I wrote this diary-like account over 20 years ago, just after the band split up. If I was writing it today it would probably be longer and infinitely more boring (I am a solicitor now!). I think it's still quite sweet and I hope you all enjoy it. The band got together exactly as bands should get together, but rarely do. Me 'n' Tone used to play 'music' at the bothy at Kenwood lunchtimes, home-times, rain-times, in fact as much as we could (to delay the possibility of work!). He knocked up a tea chest bass and I took my guitar in, and together we would pound out songs like 'K.E.N.W.O.O.D', These Boots Were Made For Walking and Johnny B Goode. We were having a party at Byways, the old country shack in Mill Hill. I had invited a band and Rowan had brought some inflatables. Unfortunately, the drummer couldn't make it, so we had no music. For a laugh, I grabbed the banjo, Pete his guitar, Tone his tea chest and we launched into Foggy Mountain Breakdown. The Bikers, who probably arrived with Div, jumped on the large inflatable, everybody hollered and got drunk and the band was born. Matthew Kleinman who was with the Nogoodniks (one of my favourite bands), offered us two support gigs at the Hope & Anchor and the Greyhound which, egged on by Kay, I accepted. We had a month or so to get more members. Tone knew the members of Madness through having gone to school with Lee, so he rang Carl and asked him if he would play washboard. He turned up one night at the bothy with some beer and some smoke and he proved a good percussionist. So he was in. Next, Lee wanted to play a 'zobstick' and Tone made him one by copying the design from an old picture. It was to prove a lethal weapon in Lee's hands, bits of plaster falling off walls and ceilings as he attacked them. That was how we lined up - more or less - at the Hope & Anchor when a bunch of Carl and Lee's friends turned up to see us (instead of going to see the Nogoodniks)! Carl couldn't make the next gig, so someone suggested John Hasler. He just turned up at Tone's place on the evening of the gig, picked up the washboard and was instantly brilliant. That was cool! He was in! Big John then offered us a gig of our own at the Hope & Anchor, and we decided to make it an occasion. Lots of gimmicks - false teeth, Slim on accordion (well that would fill up the stage at least) and a bottle of whiskey to loosen the vocal chords. Well, that it certainly did and, luckily, Pete recorded the shambles on a cheap tape deck and it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Pete then said that we would have trouble getting more gigs, but I felt that with two members of Madness playing with us something would happen. It did. Someone (Carl or maybe Jamie our 'manager' - our manager only because he was trying to get a job with Madness!) blagged us a half-hour gig at the Wag Club, a trendy watering hole in Soho where the 'stars' were prone to hang out. Four of us drove down in Pete's van, learning the songs on the way (One-Eyed Sal, Diggin' My Potatoes etc). Looking back it was heady stuff in it's own way. If we had've made it, they would have been great stories to relate on chat shows or to the press! I remember that first gig with special affection as I looked around at the six of us playing, there was so much energy coming from us. For the next gig at the Wag, I bought a bottle of Tequila. I remember that with less affection as I fell asleep on the loo for 3/4 hour! Gigs began to come regularly as did the publicity (mostly from the Madness angle). We played at the Madness Lyceum Christmas gig, but gradually Carl and Lee dropped from sight. They didn't want to overshadow the band. However, it was a wrench seeing Carl go as he was such a stage character. At one Hope & Anchor gig, Simon on the door asked us nicely not to smoke on stage. Carl put on his JR suit, hat and shades and spent the whole gig with a massive joint hanging out of his mouth! Style! The last gig Carl did with us was the very drunken Dingwalls gig with Roddy Radiation & the Rough House All Stars. It ended in mayhem with about twenty people on stage. I've yet to find out what it sounded like out front as everybody I've questioned said they were too drunk to remember. Our music had improved, Tone was on the double-bass and we had good soloists playing with us - John Wallace on sax in particular. Lee handed his zobstick over to Hector. Slim was a regular occasional and we proved we could record by doing some good John Peel sessions, live radio etc. We'd been on television (South of Watford in Carl's front room) and in magazines (Debut etc), but it was at the 'Alternative Country Music Festival' at the Electric Ballroom where we really made our mark. Billed low down, we decided not to play on stage as it was the antithesis of what we were about. We tried to busk in the bar but couldn't be heard, so we made a dive for the loos where the acoustics were good and much fun was had (in front of a small but appreciative audience). This jolly jape really got us noticed - big pictures in the Observer, the Face, Smash Hits and reviews in the music papers. It was perhaps at this point that we could have 'made it' or at least made 'something'. Stiff wanted us, Madness wanted us on their own label 'Zarjazz' - we were news. It was hyped, but isn't everything? However, there were strains. Tone wanted to devote more time to his other band, The Hatchetmen. Pete stopped writing songs for us, to concentrate on his new band. Hasler couldn't make more than one gig a week because of Sigi etc etc. The band was simply not geared up to go anywhere. We would have had to lose at least Tone and John and perhaps Pete. That would be too much of a compromise for nothing. From then we played on with some great success I may say, but never really cracked open the scene any further because we didn't have a manager and we had very few gigs outside London. More than half of our gigs were in North London. We had many memorable drunken nights, many excellent gigs. The best I remember off-hand were the Farnham gigs, the first Notts Poly gig, Southend, the Cambridge Hall Ball (not for the gig itself) and many excellent gigs at the Bull & Gate. In fact we never had a bad gig there, and likewise with the Hope & Anchor until it shut down. (I mustn't forget our two great gigs in Hendon at the Midland Arms. We went through many personnel changes including Dom (bass), Lonesome Tone (a story in itself), Cedric (who finally became available for regular gigs as we packed up), Slim (inevitably), the one and only Caspar Cronk (for musical authenticity) and a cast of thousands more. We made a video on Hampstead Heath for about £140 which was shown on Max Headroom, Saturday Superstore, and came second in the Old Grey Whistle Test video competition. We turned down a part in Absolute Beginners as we were due in Cambridge that same day, and also a spot on the Lenny Henry Show as we were recording a children's TV show (Lift Off) on the same day. We went out live on Capital Radio (twice) and Radio 1 (Saturday Live). We still got press and we made a very good LP which was brought out on a small but worthy label. It got reviewed but not pushed so it only sold 1500 or so. We played at benefits, festivals, big gigs and small gigs - it was the rock-star lifest yle, and fun. By the end however, after two and a half years I think we'd done as much as we could, and we hung up our straw hats. Our last few gigs - which Tone played with us - were great fun. The Buzz Club in Aldershot and the Dental College in Camden. We just went out and enjoyed ourselves and we had a ball. So it ended up as it started - all still friends and enjoying the gig for itself. I went into the Skiffs with the joy and enthusiasm of a teenager in his first band. I hope this account will give an idea of the fun we had and the variety of events we played at. "Just gimme that Skiff Skat Stuff... Oh.. Skiff Skat Stuff..."

Original site by Ron Solley